Thursday, September 23, 2010

Wow! That's a good day!

What happened since my last blog post at about 10am this morning? You might think not a lot, right?

Try a trip to the Capitol, rubbing elbows (literally) with two senators and three congressmen, crying at work, a pro baseball game, a bomb threat, and a walk through the projects. To take a line from one-hit wonder City High - I guess a whole lot's changed since I've seen you last.

To take a line from multiple gun shot wound victim 50 Cent - let me break it down for you:

So I had to go to this congressional meeting on Science and Math education. BORING! Or so I thought. Besides the 1.5 mile walk in the blistering heat (and a suit) from my office to the Capitol - I thought I was going to seize up and die en route due to dehydration - it was actually really interesting.

After I was violated by security during their "routine" checks that all entrants must go through, I was instantly overcome with a feeling of nostalgia as I walked down to the meeting room through the same long hallway that I watched President Obama walk down prior to being sworn into office. Unfortunately I didn't get to go all the way down the hall before having to veer off to the right and enter room SC-6. Wow, SC-6. Sounds official, right? It was officially awkward:

-Number of chairs in the room: 40
-Estimated maximum capacity (per DC fire code): 60
-Estimated number of attendees at this meeting: 150

It was so crowded that a can of sardines texted me and made fun of how packed in there we were.

Luckily, I didn't mind the guy next to me virtually sitting on my lap. Why? It was Senator Jeff Bingaman (D-NM). He and three congressmen spoke about how effed we are in the education department. If you want specifics, I can intelligently elaborate for you in a private message, but I want my zero total readers to continue on and the details can be quite dry.

So as I'm walking out of this meeting, feeling pretty great that I got my recording device through Capitol security and thus didn't have to take a single note, I saw JOHN KERRY (D-MA and 2004 Presidential Candidate) walking toward me. I was going to give him a high five, but for some reason thought better of it. Unfortunately, not too much better, because instead I opted to stand there open-mouthed and just muttered "celery." WHAT?! CELERY?! What was I thinking?! I don't even like celery. I hadn't thought about celery for probably months until that moment. What is wrong with me? I AM THE WORST! And yes, he did hear. And no, he did not say anything to make me feel better about it.

As for the crying at work thing: Katie, a fellow intern, came over to my desk and told me in a very serious tone that she was e-mailing me a very important assignment. I got excited but kind of scared. Come to find out, it was a HILARIOUS forwarded e-mail about a missing cat (e-mail me for the forward), quite possibly the funniest e-mail I've ever seen. I was laughing so hard I cried. Yes, I was at work. Yes, the whole office could hear my unprofessional shrieks that I just couldn't hold in. God I'm impressive. First I tell a five-term Senator and former Presidential candidate the important news of "celery" and then I make a fool out of myself at work, tears streaming down my face over a cat e-mail.

From work, it was on to the Nationals game over by the Navy Yard. Free tickets. Press club seats. Great time. When I got there it was the 6th inning and they trailed the Astros 2-1. When I left in the 8th, two homers later, it was 7-2 Nats. I think two innings is the perfect amount of time to stay at a baseball game. Nine innings is too boring? Your thoughts?

My roommate James and I left for the metro as we taunted our other roommate, Oscar, for riding his bike home. What a sucker, right? That sucker got home in 15 minutes. Took me and James an hour. Why? Some a-hole just HAD to call in a bomb threat at the metro stop by my apartment. So not only did they close that stop, but the one before it as well.

So we had to get off the metro in unchartered territory, no idea where we are. Keep in mind I'm still wearing a suit at this point. If I had to describe each of the first five people I saw on my new walk home in one word a piece: "homeless," "ghetto," "drunk," "high," and "knife." And a word to sum up the whole experience: "horrifying." Next time I'll spring for the $6 cab (including tip).

Well that's it for a very eventful first day of "fall" in which it was "93 degrees" and I was wearing a "suit" and "sweating uncontrollably."

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, don't be afraid to comment and let me know! It encourages me to write more! If you hated it, tell me that too! It makes me die a little inside :)

Good night friends!


  1. This may be the best blog post of all time, anywhere. OF ALL TIME.


  2. WOW joe. I enjoyed reading this.

  3. love all your comical reads! keep it up.. we gotta get you on Oprah! you're a star!

  4. Welcome to life. The days never turn out like expected. It's a roller coaster. Weeeeeeeeee!!!!! And you do like celery. Thanks for the smiles. Keep em coming.

  5. Oprah is retiring, lets get you to replace Oprah,
    You make me laugh no matter what you do!
    Keep writing Joe!

    ~TG Love

  6. omgee! What a day! I can't believe you said "celery" to Kerry and cried at work. Can you send me this email?? Also, I am glad you didn't get knifed on the way home. Hopefully you kept your sad little box in your pocket. Love you.

  7. I'm loving this blog, Joe! Nice work with the City High quote! And I agree with Kayla.. daytime TV would never be the same!

  8. Annnnd I forgot to put that the last post was me!
    - Sarah Fitz

  9. I can't take reading makes me laugh so much!! I legit cracked up for a minute strait cuz i kept reading "It was so crowded that a can of sardines texted me and made fun of how packed in there we were." Over and over and over. Tour guiding misses you. ps send me that cat email :) :)
    Peace, Love, Tour Guiding

  10. joe, you are hilarious. keep up the good work