Wednesday, October 13, 2010

And we're walkin'...and we're walkin'...

Wow! I did a lot of walking this week. I'll add everything up at the end.

Friday night (Saturday morning) at 2am, my best friends from home Ben and Josh arrived from Rhode Island. Immediately, I worried about where to find them a parking spot for the weekend. I thought you might be able to park on my street as a non-resident on the weekends, but I wasn't sure. So I jumped in the car with them and we drove down the road. Unfortunately this was a road you'd much rather be going "up" than "down," as in the 2nd road we turned onto we were going the wrong direction on a one-way.

(lights & sirens)

After the cop called us "dumbasses" and gave us a stern warning, we turned around and parked outside of a Greyhound station. Looked pretty legit.

(lights & sirens)

After the same cop ran Josh's license for both the previous violation and this one, he told us we couldn't park there. He said to go two blocks up and take a right, then park on that street if we "must park in this part of town." He did warn us, however, that "if you even have a penny showing on the floor of your car, they're gonna smash the windows and break in looking for shit."

While I appreciated this cop "keeping it real" with us, throwing around the words "ass" and "shit" as if constipation was looming in the back of his mind, he didn't realize that the penny break-in spot he was referring to was EXACTLY WHERE I LIVE.

Yes, folks, if you haven't figured it out, I live in a brand new, beautiful, multi-million dollar building. In the middle of the ghetto. As Chris Rock said, "Sure it feels safe inside, but what about all those people outside waiting with guns? They know you ain't got one."

Luckily we made it back safe, and (SPOILER ALERT!), Ben's car made it through the weekend unticketed and without being broken into. Woo!

We got back to the room, Ben and Josh had a "settling down beer" (3am at this point), I turned on the TV and luckily one of the finest love stories of our time (Jackass Number 2) happened to be playing. We watched that for about a half hour and then went to bed.

We woke up the next morning at about 10:30am, which I thought was impressive considering we went to bed at about 3:30. I went to the kitchen to fix myself some breakfast, jokingly yelling behind me "You guys ready to start drinking?! hahah."

(sound of a beer cracking behind me)

"Does that answer your question?" asked Josh. Wow. They came to party.

After breakfast, we were ready to take the metro to the monuments and memorials, about 3.5 miles away. Unfortunately, due to construction and the shooting of Transformers 3, the metro terminated at about half way where we needed to go. Damn you, Shia Labeouf.

This is where the serious walking starts, but not where it ends. Definitely not where it ends.
After the 1.75 mile trek to the National Mall, and the additional 1.75 miles of walking on the mall, we were ready to eat. So we hoofed it an additional 2.5 miles (I got lost, okay?!) and settled on a place where I really thought my friends could get a true taste of DC (Quizno's).

Later that night, we met up with some other friends from The Washington Center, had a few drinks and headed out for a great night. Since we didn't want to change trains three times (due to closures) to go somewhere 2 miles from our apartment, we sucked it up and walked. But we got lost, so it was more like 3 miles. All I did was complain the whole time, I felt really bad for everyone that had to listen to me. I must have said "I'M LOSING MY BUZZ!" about 20 times. Also, I shouldn't have really been complaining. I was wearing sneakers. The girls were wearing heels. Sucks to be them. Anyway, tack 3 miles onto the total.

Finally, we arrived at our destination, a half dive bar half dance club type of place called Hawk & Dove. After Josh bought the guys a $57 round of drinks (welcome to DC, Joshy), we were ready to party.

Throughout the night one of my guy friends ("Gerald" from the last post), kept borrowing my phone. I didn't know why he was borrowing it, because he never seemed to be making any calls. Later I found out he was hitting on all these different chicks and storing their numbers in my phone. The funny part is he didn't bother to learn their actual last names, but rather made their most defining characteristics their last names so they're in my phone as "Samantha Blackdress" "Ashley Slut" and "Name" (I guess he didn't even bother to get the first name on that one...she's gotta feel special). It was a great night overall, but there was still that 3-mile trek back. Gotta love walking.

The next "morning" (around 1pm) when I woke up, my room looked like the wake-up scene from the hangover. I had to wake Josh and Ben up because Josh wanted to go to the bar to watch the Packers game, and I had to see if he still wanted to.

Joe: "Josh, you awake man? You still wanna go to the bar for the game?"
Josh (extremely hungover): "I don't care."
Joe: "Okay, you wanna eat some breakfast?"
Josh (half dead): "I don't care."
Joe (scanning the disgusting room): "What the hell did you guys do in here after I went to bed last night?"
Josh (still out of it): "I don't care"

So informative. So helpful.

Eventually we did head out to watch the game. On the way back from the game, we decided to check out Georgetown. We took a train but, again, halfway there it terminated. DAMN YOU SHIA LABEOUF! They got us all excited with this "free shuttle service" to Georgetown from where the train terminated, but the shuttle bus itself was like a half-mile walk from the train. Then there was brutal traffic once we got on the bus. SO CLOSE to a panic attack. After a half hour bus ride, we got out and walked a mile into Georgetown. Took the circulator (great bus) back, thank God, because my dogs were barkin' (my feet hurt).

I had work the next day, so that night we just stayed in and kept the drinking to a minimum (Josh and Ben polished off an 18-pack). That was the last I ever saw of Ben and Josh. They didn't die or anything, they were just sleeping when I left for work and gone when I got back.

Speaking of work, I just started to walk there! Not taking the metro saves money (pricey), avoids having to have a weird dude's armpit in my face as I strattle an old lady who enjoys it just a little too much (overcrowded), and is more efficient (see "Shia Labeouf, above). Although this is the first day I've done it, that'll add another 3.4 miles of walking (round trip) per day!

I've also been on the treadmill twice this week, Monday to watch Monday Night Football and Tuesday - obviously for One Tree Hill. I've actually become pretty speedy on that thing and tacked on another 8 miles over the two nights.

For those of you keeping score at home that's 22.7 miles since Friday.

Now I'm no mathematician, but that's like the distance from DC to Miami.

I hope everyone's having a great week. I will check back in as soon as possible!

p.s. I saw a triple feature on Monday (paid for one, snuck into the next two). Catfish and The Social Network were really good. Easy A, not so much. See ya!


  1. love it love it :) hopefully you didn't walk to work today! I was going to until I looked out the window and noticed the monsoon.

  2. Fantastic post, love the humour, keep walking!