Sunday, January 30, 2011

What's going on in the world?

Alright, I'm tired of telling you guys what I'VE been up to. This is mainly because I'm not really up to much. I'm just out of college, unemployed, and I don't think you care much about the fact that I walked my dog today and nervously looked around as she peed on my neighbor's lawn.

There are a ton of news stories that I want to discuss, a lot happening in the world. So let me break everything down for you the way I see it:

This Sunday, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers will square off in Super Bowl XLV (or 45, for those of you who aren't fluent in Roman Numerals). One important thing to note here is that Ben Roethlisberger, the Steelers' starting Quarterback, may or may not have (but definitely did) get away with the rape of a college student in a Georgia night club earlier in the year. He also may or may not have (but definitely did) get away with rape in Tahoe a few years ago. Besides that, I'm sure he's a real stand-up guy. You know, the kind of guy you'd want your daughter to date. Needless to say, I'll be rooting for Green Bay.

Most major cities in the Northeast have already doubled their average annual snowfall, but the even more unusual weather pattern I'm noticing is the extended bitter cold, with high temperatures rarely getting out of the 20s and the lows (with the wind chill) often below zero. This has inspired me to invent what is quickly becoming one of my favorite games: "Where would you be right now if you were homeless?"

This week Congresswoman Michelle Bachman of Minnesota said that the founding fathers worked tirelessly to put an end to slavery. Shamefully, our founding fathers actually went to great lengths to protect slavery. The second most used word in the original constitution was, in fact, slavery. But I wouldn't expect Michelle Bachman to know that, or anything about anything. She probably thinks that Osama bin Laden worked tirelessly to prevent 9/11 from happening.

After hearing all the rave about Nicki Minaj's big butt for the past however-long-her-butt-has- been-famous, I finally saw it this week on Saturday Night Live. I can now confirm that yes, her butt is big.

Odd News
I read on Yahoo! News that a woman survived a suicide attempt after she jumped out of a 23rd story window and landed on a cab. This leads me to beg the question how much does a two ton hunk of metal cushion the blow of a 250 foot free-fall?

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